Fine, I’m okay, contented and happy. :) maybe i’m not fine, not okay, never contented and can’t be happy….. i don’t want all the people around me to think that i’m a pessimist. In fact pessimistic people is the last one i wanna be friends with, sorry. All of us puts on different masks in different situation, psychologically it’s normal but deep inside there is something that wants to burst out and show the real you.
I’m really struggling now in college, i tend to panic always and lose hope in an instant. Why? well i work every free time I have at home and go to church and practice, after that I study the whole night. I’m happy in what i’m doing right now with my life, spiritually and physically but there are just days that I just wanna give up and just stop, in that moment I always remember all the hurt , the pain that was always inside of me that’s just wanna burst. I’m a man but i know how to cry, that’s when my day starts to go down. I easily get depress, annoyed and angry at myself and the people around me. I just stop, a stand still. everything in my life goes slow and the mask just shows up and it’s already on my face. I smile, laugh and grin but deep inside this is not what i want to show.
Being tired of life makes me remember all the pain that is inside me, as I said earlier. Cuz i know deep inside that I don’t want all my efforts go to waste, I wanna live on experience more, feel joy and pain because that makes me human. A mask is very important to every person, it helps you hide the self loathing you but in that mask you will see who are the people who really cares for you. They can still look through that thick plastic face of yours and tell what you feel.